Nobody wants to go through a messy divorce. And, while Hollywood might have you believing that a messy divorce is the only type of divorce out there, it’s perfectly possible for couples to end their marriage harmoniously.
Here are our tips.
Surround Yourself with Professionals
Your family will prove absolutely invaluable to you throughout this process, whether you need big favours like a place to stay or on-the-spot babysitting, or just the occasional shoulder to cry on.
That said, your family cannot replace a strong network of support created by people who know how to help, rather than being left to guess at the best approach.
In the very least, you’ll want your support network to include experienced divorce solicitors – more on that here http://www.willans.co.uk/service/family-relationships-and-divorce/ending-a-relationship/divorce-or-separation/ – as well as a therapist and/or a life coach, who can help you undergo this period of change in the most beneficial way possible.
Make Sure You Get (and Share) All the Information You Need
There are a lot of different options for separation and ending a marriage, each with their own advantages and disadvantages. From childcare arrangements and financial claims to providing the correct ‘facts’ for the divorce itself, it is absolutely key that you are aware of your options before you jump to any decisions.
Of course, working with a solicitor throughout this process will mean that you’re always kept informed, but sharing that information with your separated partner can be just as important if you want to ensure a healthy and amicable process, rather than one that grows sour over a simple lack of communication.
Discuss Costs Early and so That an Agreement is Reached About Who’s Paying What
Even amicable divorces place a certain financial burden on separating couples, and there’s no use burying your heads in the sand until it finally comes time to pay those fees.
While it is still unknown what the change in law will bring to costs from April 2022, it is possible currently to file an application requesting that your partner takes on the court fee and legal costs, but the alternative – sitting down, and talking through how you’re going to work through the costs together – is by far the better option. When it comes to resolving any knock on costs resulting from a divorce such as child arrangements and the finances, the general rule in UK family law is that each party pays their own costs.
It’s not always the easiest conversation, particularly if one of you is more financially dependent than the other, but it will avoid any potential eleventh-hour arguments down the line.
Think About Your Children First
Putting the children first is about more than ensuring they don’t get caught up in any arguments or rivalries – although that is a big part of it. More than that, it’s about focusing on the family unit as a separate entity to your partnership.
Since your time together is simply entering into a new phase, rather than ending altogether, consider doing a co-parent class or coaching course. Learning how to be parents is a lifelong mission, and this is simply a new phase with new kinks to work through.
Make a Record of Any Agreements Made
Making the joint decision to handle the divorce amicably will come as a great relief, but remember that it offers no guarantees against disagreements, hurt feelings and things simply getting lost in translation.
For that reason, even the most harmonious couple will find it in their best interests to keep a record of every agreement they make with one another. It can avoid those moments of “he said, she said” that can so easily escalate during a time of emotional upheaval.
Don’t get us wrong – an amicable divorce is perfectly possible, but you can’t get complacent.
