by Michael Mahoney www.healthyaudio.com
PERSONAL relationships are our greatest gift, where we learn about ourselves as well as the other person.
We connect with certain people for a reason, not by accident, sometimes temporarily or for a lifetime. Our choice of partner or friends is influenced by our relationship with our parents, our childhood experiences and even the relationships and life experiences of our ancestors.
Relationships can be very rewarding but also extremely painful, and it is at our most difficult times when our most important lessons are learnt. No matter how much we may resist the difficulties and changes of circumstances imposed on us, it is through these difficulties and challenges where we discover the depth and meaning of the relationship and our own values and our strengths and weaknesses as an individual or within the relationship. Even if we only connect with someone for a short period of time, we always take something away from that connection, and have learnt something important about ourselves, even if we are not aware of it at the time.
We tend to be attracted to someone who may mirror either or both positive and negative aspects of ourselves and can also reflect the areas in our lives that we need to improve or change. We can also be attracted to familiarity, i.e. a partner who reminds us of a parent, however, this can be experienced negatively as well as positively as many people attract people into their lives who treat them badly or are abusive to them, if that is something that they have experienced in childhood. This is because we tend to attract what we think we deserve, or subconsciously the issues we need to work on. For instance, if you are a very passive and submissive individual and allow others to walk all over you, then perhaps the lesson here is to work on your confidence and self-esteem in order to become more assertive.
When things go wrong in a relationship, both parties need to step back to assess what the relationship is teaching them, what they are getting out of it, and what experience they are giving the other person. However many people rarely do that, and continue to repeat the same patterns of behaviour. It is often when a person chooses to leave the relationship that they can then reflect on what has been the problem and ensure that the next relationship will be different. However, many people are unaware of why they repeat the same mistakes in relationships as they may always blame the other person, and avoid actually looking at their own behaviour.
If each person in the relationship becomes aware of, and takes responsibility for their own behaviour, and how it is triggering the behaviour of their partner, then perhaps they can work together in breaking the destructive cycle that they have created together. They are then open to learning the lessons the relationship is teaching them, and able to work through each lesson as a partnership. Alternatively, they may agree to go their separate ways and attempt to learn about the experience afterwards on their own or in another relationship, where hopefully they will not repeat the mistakes all over again.
If you would like to discuss your relationship difficulties and explore what you could learn from the experience; then please contact either myself or my partner, Cate on 01925 658322 to arrange an Initial Consultation.
